Who am I now?

I was chatting to some other mums at our swim class last week when I realised that although I could reel off the name of every baby in the class...I had no idea what their parents were called. These were people I had spent more than an hour with every week for the last 12 weeks, but they had been shifted into second place behind their tiny new human.

Sidelined

Marginalised

Dehumanised

I had done the one thing I swore I wouldn't do and had lost sight of a person in favour of their kid.

Life as a new mama is hard enough without feeling as though you have lost yourself too. So many new parents can suffer with PND (it's not just for mums folks, so please be kind to daddies too) after the arrival of a wee one, particularly in those first 3 months...those 100 days of darkness, when all you seem to do is feed, burp and clean their bum, then attempt to grab a few moments of sleep before you repeat the process. A few minutes of rest before you wipe up drool/spit up and change a soaked onesie or your own filthy clothes (if you can get that chance!)

All too many new mamas feel frumpy, lumpy and lost....so you can imagine my surprise when I felt the total opposite. yes, I know it sounds strange, but despite the exhaustion I felt invigorated. My confidence soared. I stopped apologising for my lumps and podge and began to stand tall.

Yes, I am fat. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I have scars and wrinkles and thanks to the anti-clotting injections my frankenbelly looks like a junkie's. But, with a lot of difficulty, this body made my boy. I will forever love it for that, and my husband tells me often that he loves my body even more now than he did before. I was lucky. I found my tribe & have fantastic support from an amazing group of mummies who remind me often that I am still me and that I am looking good. I try hard to return the favour to them all as often as I can.

I think what I am trying to say is that your bodies are amazing, each & every one of them, so please, every now and then look at yourself in the mirror and see the true reality. You are beautiful and unique and deserve compliments, so don't shrug them off. Accept them with a gracious smile like the goddess you are. When knobjockeys diss you, as they are wont to do, tell them to fuck off. Just remember to enunciate clearly, for you are a lady. And ladies...try to remember each others names. See those gorgeous mamas, not just their beautiful babies.

This body's too boobylicious!

So my name has changed twice in the last two years, with a wedding and a baby, and it's not only thing to have changed. Those of you who know me, know that I have always loved the vintage silhouettes of the 30's, 40's & 50's, but I'd never had the confidence in myself, or my plus size, to wear those styles full time. Over the last 3-4 years, my confidence has been slowly climbing, and in the last few months, after discovering an amazing group of women (yes RetroMummies, I'm looking at you!), I decided to say screw it and I stopped giving fucks about what others thought of me and my style. As always, my weight has yo-yoed, but since the birth of my boy, I'm at the largest I've been in a very long time. 

Yet, I'm also at the most confident I have ever been. I made a human with this body! A whole tiny human was nurtured and grown inside me. Hell yes, I've got a muffin top, that's where they cut me open to get my kid out and I wouldn't exchange it for any old six pack. Are my boobs ginormous? Indeed they are, they are the sole source of sustenance of my kid, and I never cease to be amazed, annoyed and intrigued by them these days. 

However, breastfeeding, and being a plus size mama, have their own issues, especially when you aspire to look fabulously vintage on a daily basis. Finding clothes that are easy to feed in, comfortable to wear, and affordable on maternity pay, is not an easy job. So in an effort to assist those other statuesque mamas,and mamas-to-be, I've decided to resurrect this blog and document my finds, along with my ups and downs as a mama, for those who come after me. Summer is drawing to a close, and the nights are getting both darker and cooler. Soon will be the time when I used to haul out my sweaters and jeans and hibernate my legs for the winter, but not this year. This year I forge a path into stylish vintage motherhood! At least I hope to 😉 I'd love for you to come along with me and share your finds in the comments. Below are a few snaps from my recent weekend away in the Scottish Highlands...which I'll be blogging about over the next few days and weeks.