It takes a village...to save our sanity

I'm going to preface this post with a disclaimer: before I had a kid I was a judgemental tool. 

I'm also going to add that in the immortal words from one of my favourite movies (home for the holidays ) "opinions are like assholes: everyone has one and everybody thinks everyone else's stinks." 

Basically, feel free to take or leave what you read...no judgement here anymore. 

There's a huge amount of advice out there for parents, new or old, & most of it is unsolicited. There are so many different methods and schemes, books and dvds, all claiming to be the best way to raise your child. I'm not quite sure what I'd call my method. I guess it's a little like gentle or attachment parenting, but mostly I like to call it lazy. 

See here's the thing. Babies are exhausting. You know this going in, hell people tell you constantly during pregnancy. Every idiot you meet, particularly strangers who have clearly never been pregnant, will tell you to enjoy your sleep now cos you'll get none when the kid arrives (like that's even possible during pregnancy!) But nothing prepares you for it. The tiredness seems endless and gaping and like it will eat you whole. You suddenly discover that you can manage on four hours sleep after all and that you can all asleep almost any time or place.

My parenting choices came about to optimise my chances of getting anything like actual sleep. So yes, after years of swearing that I never would (it's sooo dangerous, don't you know) we co-sleep. As a breastfeeding mama, learning how to feed lying down was my proudest achievement. Screw the feeding in public thing, that was relatively easy! Feeding on your side, especially with ginormous boobages, not easy at all, particularly when your baby is wee, with a tiny wee mouth to boot. Now I find that The Minibeast is less windy after those feeds, sleeps better too as when he's starting to fuss in his sleep, I can just roll towards him, unclip my nightie and let him help himself to the buffet before he wakes enough to wail himself into a frenzy. BETTER SLEEP FOR EVERYONE! That being said, I understand that it isn't for everyone. We just know that it's working for us, and we were lucky enough to have a health visitor with some common sense who supports us. She's fantastic...a rare beast, I know. 

I also swore I'd never babywear. I told you, judgemental arsehole, right? Not only is it useful for getting shit done, it's actually really nice to have the kid close to you while still having hands free for snacking or knitting or setting your flying monkeys on that judgemental bitch who tried to give you advice. 

But here's my problem with some of the other mothers who also do these gentle/attachment approaches. They can't seem to understand that they don't work for everyone. Yes, in my house if I'm in doubt I whip a boob out. Yes, I co-sleep and yes slings were useful...but they don't always work for everyone. I swear that on some of the parenting forums I'm in, some poor people are vilified for mentioning a bottle or a buggy, instead of boob and sling! 

Hell yes, I can clean a kitchen with my kid strapped to me. Hell yes, I can cook and tidy or dance and rock with him dangling from my front. I am mama and I'm a badass who can do anything (shh, don't disillusion me, this teething thing is hard yo). But I don't WANT to have to clean with the kid strapped to me. I don't WANT to have to resort to pushing the buggy for three hours & god knows how many miles to keep my teething baby calm. Side note, that day was 

I love that I can breastfeed my son. We have a wonderful bond and I feel like a bloody superhero when I think of my body nourishing my kid. But we've had our rocky moments, though I'm saving them for another post. Breastfeeding isn't easy and it isn't for everyone. There are some days when I'd love to hand over my bottle refusing cherub & go to the movies, or for a cocktail with my friends. 

What a lot of people seem to have forgotten is that it takes a village to raise a child. I understand that gentle/attachment parenting is just going back to what has been the norm for hundreds of years, but we don't live like we did in those days. In those days people lived cheek by jowl and everyone mucked in to help out. Not these days. Not everyone has family or friends nearby, and not everyone is lucky enough to have supportive families. Some people are new to an area and are struggling to make friends. Some people have families or friends that are rather vocal and want to rule the roost, so they give in for some peace & quiet. Lives are fast & furious and some days feel like you don't even have time to breathe. 

You breastfeed? Whoopie for you, now go warm that bottle for your pal whose kid just shat everywhere for the second time today. 

You prefer bottles? That's nice dear, now fetch that boobyfeeding mama a glass of water, cos even if she hasn't said, she's probably parched as she hasn't been able to feed herself yet today. 

Being a parent is fucking hard work so can we please stop judging each other & dragging each other down? How about lending a hand or a listening ear instead? 

 

The lost skills of make do and mend

I've had a few issues recently with various items of clothing for both me and the lil bird, small things like hems coming down or trousers being too long. I've been genuinely stunned to discover how many people will just return items for this, or throw out a shirt that has lost a button. What happened to Make do and Mend? When did we become a throwaway society? The husbeast laughed when I said I was going to use an old shirt of his to cut down for the kid, yet he was pleased that the fabric was being given new life. Hell, it's a standing joke in my family that I'll cut up old curtains to make dresses. I'm not saying we should all be seamstresses or tailors, but simple skills such as hemming and sewing on a button are really useful and should be taught in school, but for those who weren't taught, here are a couple of tutorials for basic skills.

How to sew on a button

How to turn up trousers

and in the spirit of Make do and mend, here are 29 ways you can makeover and use a man's shirt

Who am I now?

I was chatting to some other mums at our swim class last week when I realised that although I could reel off the name of every baby in the class...I had no idea what their parents were called. These were people I had spent more than an hour with every week for the last 12 weeks, but they had been shifted into second place behind their tiny new human.

Sidelined

Marginalised

Dehumanised

I had done the one thing I swore I wouldn't do and had lost sight of a person in favour of their kid.

Life as a new mama is hard enough without feeling as though you have lost yourself too. So many new parents can suffer with PND (it's not just for mums folks, so please be kind to daddies too) after the arrival of a wee one, particularly in those first 3 months...those 100 days of darkness, when all you seem to do is feed, burp and clean their bum, then attempt to grab a few moments of sleep before you repeat the process. A few minutes of rest before you wipe up drool/spit up and change a soaked onesie or your own filthy clothes (if you can get that chance!)

All too many new mamas feel frumpy, lumpy and lost....so you can imagine my surprise when I felt the total opposite. yes, I know it sounds strange, but despite the exhaustion I felt invigorated. My confidence soared. I stopped apologising for my lumps and podge and began to stand tall.

Yes, I am fat. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I have scars and wrinkles and thanks to the anti-clotting injections my frankenbelly looks like a junkie's. But, with a lot of difficulty, this body made my boy. I will forever love it for that, and my husband tells me often that he loves my body even more now than he did before. I was lucky. I found my tribe & have fantastic support from an amazing group of mummies who remind me often that I am still me and that I am looking good. I try hard to return the favour to them all as often as I can.

I think what I am trying to say is that your bodies are amazing, each & every one of them, so please, every now and then look at yourself in the mirror and see the true reality. You are beautiful and unique and deserve compliments, so don't shrug them off. Accept them with a gracious smile like the goddess you are. When knobjockeys diss you, as they are wont to do, tell them to fuck off. Just remember to enunciate clearly, for you are a lady. And ladies...try to remember each others names. See those gorgeous mamas, not just their beautiful babies.

Monday round up

Thanks to the magic of Anbesol liquid and the Graco swing, my poor poor teething baby is finally napping, so after my first hot lunch in a long time, it's time for a quick round up of last weeks outfits. I'm really loving my current wardrobe, and not just for its ease in feeding the little guy. I love knowing that I am still me, as well as mama, and rocking my beloved vintage styles. You can catch my #ootd each day on instagram, which lists the details of where I have got them. This week I even got to glam it up, for the first time since the little bird arrived. I'd almost forgotten how to use my make up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A mama's work is never done!

I was delighted when my pal Naelany asked me to guest on her blog  as I've really enjoyed resurrecting my own. As this weekend is a busy one, I decided to cross post my article here too, especially as parts of it fit pretty well with yesterday's Body Positivity Day. 

I'm not getting a huge amount of knitting done these days, which is how I met the lovely Naelany, but despite being deep in the new mama trenches, I am still crafting hard. Harder than ever before, in fact!

Let me tell you a little about myself. At 39, the lovely, kind,  National Health Service refer to me as a geriatric first time mama, and there are days when I most definitely feel it! I've been told many, many, times that I was born in the wrong era, preferring vintage styled clothes and I've always had an old-fashioned attitude to life, loving all the crafts I've come across. I began by teaching myself to crochet around age 16, and to use a sewing machine soon after. Twenty odd years down the line, I added knitting to the repertoire and culminated in (after a little help from the NHS) crafting my own little miracle last year.

Since my Little Bird arrived 4.5 months ago, I've found that my body confidence has soared. Unlike many new mums, I am so proud and confident in this new body of mine! I decided to embrace my love of all things vintage, and in particular the fashions of the 30's,40's 50's & 60's. As a plus size mama who has chosen to breastfeed, finding these styles can be difficult, so I resurrected my blog to share my finds with other plus-size pin-up mamas.

When I discovered that I was finally pregnant, like all mums-to-be, I had day dreams of dressing my little one in my favourite styles, however, the reality hasn't quite lived up to those dreams. There are tons of vintage-style baby clothes for little girls, but hardly any for the boys unless you've got little Prince George's wardrobe budget. Since I can't find the style of clothes I'd like, I've decided to put my sewing skills to use and start my own small business making reproduction & vintage styled children's clothes, as well as accessories such as car seat blankets to keep those tiny toes toasty for the UK's cooler months.

Getting crafty as a mama isn't easy. I hoard every spare minute of free time, and I have to have my lists, of course. Sometimes I can convince the wee dude to join me in my craft lair for a time, and sometimes I count the minutes until daddy comes home to take him for some man time. Still, by maintaining my style and getting my craft on, I help myself to retain a sense of 'me' in a time of constant flux.

On the slate this weekend was getting my first 'line' of clothes up and running. After browsing tons of vintage children's photos and several different sewing patterns, under the watchful eye of my little guy, I carefully drafted out my chosen styles, hunted down the right fabrics and began to cut out the various pieces I needed.

I'm praying that the boy co-operates this week and lets me get to the actual sewing portion! Not sure how that will work out when even as I type, and in his sleep, a wee hand has crept onto my leg and is holding on tight....and I wouldn't have it any other way. Perhaps I'll spend this nap time reading  my other pal S.M Lumetta's book 'You Are Here' instead of cutting more pattern pieces.

 

ETA- this was written last weekend...and what a week it has been. Little Bird got a tummy bug, but I still manages to sew a little. One little romper, ready to roll!

This is my life now

My wee man is 4.5 months old and recently diagnosed with silent reflux. It is so damn hard when they can't tell you what is paining them! The mama guilt is bad enough, but to get to 18 weeks only to be told that your kid actually has a problem and it isn't just teething hurts pretty hard. Our first round of meds (gavison) left him constipated and suffering from acid farts so bad that even without pooping, his poor arse was red raw. We are ten days into the second option, ranitidine, and we have the opposite problem.

Thanks to the frequent bum changes, we've been getting through disposable change mats pretty bloody frequently, but until this week, the only ones we had found were the pampers ones, 12 for £4 in most stores. However a few days ago the husbeast went on a nappy run to Aldi (hands down the best nappies we've tried...and we have tried them all!) and came home with a pack of Aldi brand mats at £2 for 14. Lo and behold, these are in fact so much better! So much fluffier, thicker, softer and definitely more absorbent! Cheaper and better works for us!

While on the subject of changing, here's a pro tip for changing those wriggly Lil boys, cos lets face it, getting pissed on is never fun, no matter how much you love them. My mama gave me this suggestions and it has worked great for us. Instead of laying the baby down square on the mat, lay the mat diagonally and place the top point at th small of baby's back. Then, if you get shit on the mat, just fold up some of the bottom layer for a clean mat again. Or, if they're just recreating the Bellagio fountain, bring the bottom point up between their legs to catch the sprinkle. Voila!

Jump!

I'm always seeing the beautiful items from Miss Candyfloss on Instagram and I've been lusting after so many pieces from the new Librarian Girl collection, however very little looks BF friendly, so I've held fire. I couldn't resist getting a few things, one of which was their gorgeous 40's style jumpsuits.

Dear God but it is lovely! It's incredibly comfortable to wear as the fabric feels lovely against the skin & the cut makes moving around simple. The handy dandy zip up front makes feeding a breeze, in fact I'd say its one of my easiest and most discreet items to feed in. there is one working button and a wee pop fastener at the top to keep things closed and the gorgeous cut of the V-neck means that your boobs look incredible, but not indecent.

My only downside is that the length of the trousers is rather long for my 5'5 frame, even with heels. I'm going to have to take them up a touch when I can get back to my sewing machine.

I wore this to take my little boy in to visit my school for the MacMillan coffee morning on Friday, as well as running a few errands in town and I had nothing but compliments and double takes wherever I went. I even has one of the lady employees in the Apple store stop me to say how stylish I looked! Enough to turn a girls head ;-)

My suit is the wine colour in 3XL, I'm 5'5, a UK size 22 top, 20 waist and 38 HH boobs. I styled it with some retro heeled sandals from Gianni Bernini, a mustard cardigan from Dunnes stores and one of my own hand knitted hair snoods. How do you wear yours?

Www.miss-candyfloss.com