I love my kid. Truly I do. I know I'm biased, but I think he is pretty bloody awesome as teacup humans go, however this past week I have been sorely tempted to leave him out for the wolves. Up to 4 months, I was feeling pretty good about this whole parenting lark. He would sleep at night in 3-4 hours bursts, and as we breastsleep, he would roll over, grab a boob and feed, then roll back all without ever truly waking. His day time naps were pretty regular too. At least an hour, sometimes more, both morning and afternoon. We had it made!
Then plaguegate happened.
Things never really got back to normal after that, but we were muddling along until this last month. Suddenly, naps stopped. Unless he was literally on me, or I was right beside him, he wasn't napping during the day, and for us that meant crappy nights too. The expression that "sleep breeds sleep" is definitely true for our minibeast and well sleep hasn't really been happening. He's been feeding hourly all night, and napping for 10 minutes if I'm lucky during the day and now I finally understand why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.
Thanks to him still refusing bottles (😳 I have no idea what I'm going to do when I go back to work in a few weeks...answers on a postcard please?) all night feeds are my job, though if the other end needs sorting, that's the husbeast' job. I'm running on empty. My hubs is awesome, and tries hard to help out, but he sleeps like the dead. The other night, the lil bird decided that 4am was play time. He wiggled sideways in bed and was repeatedly kicking my husband and yelling "Dad, Dad, Dad" at the top of his lungs. I tried kicking him too. Not even a murmur. Next morning he said "you should have woken me". Don't worry, I didn't smother him in his sleep. Maybe next time?
But Jamie just seems to want mama, and only mama, and well....mama is a little touched out. How do you do it? How do people survive on so little rest? I genuinely would love to know, especially as I don't drink tea, coffee or cola so I can't even rely on caffeine to see me through. I find myself getting frustrated and irritable over the teensiest of things. Tiny molehills have become the highest mountains and my mental health is taking a bashing. I'm lucky that I have a good tribe, and plenty of support around me, but I can easily see how mums struggle and give up on breastfeeding at this point. I mean I find it hard enough to deal with when we share a bed. It must be ten times worse when you don't have that option, and not everyone does.
For now, I'm existing on the glorious morning smiles, frequent cuddles...and cookies. Lots of cookies. See the recipe below for my super quick, easy cookie recipe that makes just enough to gorge on without feeling like a total heifer. Or maybe that's just me.
Chocolate Fork Cookies (makes 8 palm sized cookies)
Preheat oven to 180 Celsius
Using your stand mixer (or a fork and bowl) mix together the ingredients below until they form a dough.
100g butter or margarine (I prefer real butter)
50g caster sugar
120g self -raising flour
15g cocoa powder (I do a heaped tablespoon)
Split your dough into 8 pieces, roll between your palms to form balls, then place on a baking tray well spaced apart. Press the top lightly with the back of a fork.
Bake for 15 - 20 minutes in the centre of your pre-heated oven. ,
Leave to cool on their tray for 5 minutes before trying to move them as they will fall apart otherwise.
Perfect with cold milk, but even better with a good glass of Bailey's or Coole Swann 😉
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