PSA for new mamas

It's bloody hectic this time of year, and I'm discovering that it's twice as bad...and twice as fun...with a baby. However several things seem to keep coming up in my parenting groups that are really starting to get on my tits & I've decided to address them. As I tell anyone before I offer advice, feel free to ignore me and scroll on, I won't get butthurt over it. This is just intended to hopefully hold a candle...(or flame thrower, pick your poison) to those first 100 days of darkness of the fourth trimester.

1. "My partner sleeps in the spare room cos they need to get some sleep for work" 

Are you frigging kidding me? Being a parent is a full time job and one which requires boatloads of energy. They need to help with the night tasks, end of. I know it can be hard. We breastsleep, so the husbeast can't really help with feeds, but if all the kid needs is a bum change I hand him over and go right back to sleep. Look at it this way. If you were putting your child in a daycare type place, would you be happy if the staff were running on sometimes less than an hour's sleep and no food or drink? I sure as hell wouldn't be, so why expect it of yourself? Work out a routine that makes sure they pull their weight. For us, the husbeast gets up 30 minutes earlier than he used to and takes the boy downstairs for a bum change and a play, while I starfish across the bed and snore my head off. After an hour he dumps the baby back in beside me and I give the lil dude another feed. The baby goes back to sleep and I can get up and start getting ready for the day in peace and quiet...except I can't shower. The kid totally has a radar for that thing and loses his shit the second my toe touches the water...which leads me onto my next point. 

2. "I know it's ungrateful/terrible but I just want to feel like me again/pee in peace/shower alone"

Why is that so bad? Does your partner get to do these things? Then why the hell shouldn't you? Look, being mum is hard. 9 times out of 10 the kid will want you, and while your partner is at work it'll be nigh on impossible to do anything alone, but when they get home all bets are off. You deserve the chance to wallow in a bath or shower once in a while.

And talking about wallowing, or feeling yourself again, will you cut yourself some slack? You just created life and that shit does not come easy. Not to mention the fact that that wee life's mission is to break you. You will have changed. In so many ways for the better, but I can understand that some people will struggle with their new body. You have to live with that body though, so try to find ways to love it, or change it. I chose to love mine. I try to have one nice long shower on a Sunday morning, where I leisurely wash my hair and shave my legs (ok, so I don't always manage those) and spend at least 30 minutes without being covered in pee, snot, poop or puke. It doesn't always happen, and these last few weeks have been hectic so it's been snatched chances to wash here and there and my poor legs haven't seen the light of day in forever. If it makes you feel better, before the shower I just had, I could measure my leg hair with a ruler and it took an entire tube of hair removal cream to defuzz them. Uh huh, that's right...A WHOLE TUBE OF VEET! I'm petty sure that new civilisations were forming in the rainforests on my legs 😳 

3. "You've got everything together, how do you do it all?" 

I don't. Basically, something has to slide. I pick my battles each day and decide what has to be done and what can get put off. I'm incredibly lucky. The husbeast has no expectations of a clean and tidy house, or food on the table when he gets home. He fully understands that some days it's all I can do to get the kid and I dressed, let alone tidy or even leave the house. God bless the man, he never, but never, leaves work without asking if I need him to pick up dinner and I won't tell you how often I say yes. We have a joint cleaning blitz at the weekend. I do the kitchen, he does the bathroom and we both hit the lounges/bedrooms/laundry. I've started laying out clothes for the baby and me the night before, so I'm not faffing about in the morning and I no longer waste a trip. If I'm heading upstairs to pee, I take up laundry, or bring it down to the machine.

But most of all, I try to keep my expectations of myself fairly low. Is the kid alive? Has he been fed? Is he clean and warm? If the answer is yes, then I give myself a pat on the back and a choccie biccie. Go team me! 

You have to stop thinking that what you see on social media is real cos it's really not. We only show our best to the world, so of course we look like we've got it all together. We are terrified that if we show our true selves, child services will show up at the door to take our kids away. 

It does get easier, I promise, but nothing will change until you make the changes. You have to be the driving force. Whether that is accepting your mumtum (or taking steps to get rid of it), or telling your partner to suit up and be a parent too, nothing will get better until you set it in motion. 

Good luck and Merry Christmas! Now excuse me while I continue to frantically pack for our first ever flight with a baby...or pray for me, that works too! 

 

''Tis the season!

It's the most wonderful time of the year, and we are shrugging off the the doom and gloom of illness to don our brightest most cheerful duds. I adore Christmas. The sparkle and lights and shiny shiny lovelies just lift my heart. My wonderful husbeast is a bit of a grinch, but three Christmases in and he's slowly coming around...he's even offered to wear a Christmas jumper this year! The last few years, the school I work at has taken part in the Save The Children Christmas Jumper Day event. On Friday 16th December, all across the U.K. People will dust off their favourite Christmas jumper and wear it for charity. Jamie, Phil and I will be taking part at home and so I thought I'd round up some of my favourite Christmas sweaters in case you fancy joining us. I will apologise now, cos this post is super pic heavy.

First up is Evans:

A little pricey for the novelty market, they range from £25-£38 and run from truly cheesy to the slightly more tasteful ivory fair isle (I might yet go back for that!)

 

 

 

New Look:

I was a little disappointed in their efforts this year. Prices run from £15-£28 and the candy cane version wasn't too bad in person but I didn't bother buying.

 

 

Yours clothing : 

I won't lie, I'm so so tempted by the "Handsoff my pudding" one. For real. If it wasn't just a tee shirt I'd have pulled the trigger already, but the weather has finally turned and jumpers are essential. 

 

George @Asda had a slightly better selection. I've got the gingerbread house & the baubles sitting in my online basket waiting to go once all my gifts are bought, as I'm just not convinced I can resist them.

 

 

 

Tesco had a range, but to be honest I still feel that they are a little pricey for something you can wear such a short time. I quite like the calories don't count one, and I'm tempted by the Disney holidays red jumper too. 

 

 

My final contender is Peacocks and that is where I got the sweater I'm wearing today. At £16 it is soft and warm, if a little thin. The colours are bright and I love the vintage feel to the pattern

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My little Elf and I also checked out Primark today, but I was underwhelmed 

 

So what beauties have you discovered? Feel free to share your festive finds with us, and definitely come join us on the 16th to raise some funds for charity! 

 

MIA....or almost

Well it's been about two weeks since I last posted. I thought we'd hit the bottom, but the following day (after another horrible puke-filled night) the GP referred us to the hospital. My poor lil bird  spent the next six days being fed through a tube, as he was just so tuckered out from the constant vomiting and the coughing that disturbed his sleep, he couldn't find the energy to suckle. A viral infection with bronchiolitis was what they told us, but all I knew was that my wee man was dehydrated and so far from being himself that I barely recognised him.

Being as it is bronchiolitis season, the place was packed & we spent two nights on the assessment unit waiting for a bed on the children's ward. But even with the move to the ward our problems didn't end. No one was deliberately negligent, but they were so overworked and understaffed that problems were unavoidable. My biggest annoyance, of many, was finding that the hospital had either lost, thrown away, or given away to another patient (😱) breast milk that I had fought hard to express. You see while my little boy is doing just fine feeding from the source, I've never been a great pumper. Apart from the first day my milk came in, I've always struggled to get more than 50mls between the two boobs & when he started refusing bottles around 4 months, I stopped bothering. As they were giving the boy 60-80mls per feed, I spent the first few days pumping around the clock like a crazy lady, and panicking when I didn't have enough. 

At this point my tribe went into action. I am so incredibly lucky to have found the haven of the Retro Mummies & Pregnant Pin-Ups group on Facebook. The women there are strong, fierce, non-judgemental and a force to be reckoned with when united to a cause. Between them, they put the call out to all their groups and before I knew it, my messenger inbox was filling up with offers of donor milk. Total strangers to me and my boy went out of their way, in some cases by many miles, to bring sustenance to my child when I was not enough. Women from as far as Luton & Leighton Buzzard made their way to MK General Hospital with bags of liquid gold to help get my wee man back on the mend. With the pressure taken off me, I was able to attempt to get some sleep (I'd been pumping hourly to try to keep ahead of the feeds) and to concentrate on being there for my baby. 

There are not enough words in any language to tell these ladies just how much their kindness and thoughtfulness meant. I was going out of my mind trying to be all and do everything and their donation gave a much needed respite that allowed me to focus on the baby. Between the kindness of strangers, and the support of our families, and my tribe, I survived our stay. There were many times I thought I'd crack, but every single time there was a mama there to hold a candle to my darkness. Even when I live streamed my hoarse, croaking lullabies at 2am, god help them, they sat through them. 

Thankfully, a week on from our discharge, things are slowly improving. All three of us still have a lingering cough, we are still catching up on our sleep and the baby is clingy as fuck...but we are home. We are past the worst & taking it easy. Lil bird even took most of his grandparents (my daddy had to stay home and mind the shop, so we will repeat later on for him) to meet Father Christmas. Despite the beginnings of separation anxiety, he was so good! We are excited about the holidays ahead and can't wait to see what Santa has in store.

To all our wonderful donors- Thank you seems so small, but it is honestly, and truly heartfelt. To my amazing tribe - Thank you. Always, always, thank you. To our parents -thank you for all the wonderful support, it was and is truly appreciated . To my long-suffering hubs -we can do this!