PSA for new mamas

It's bloody hectic this time of year, and I'm discovering that it's twice as bad...and twice as fun...with a baby. However several things seem to keep coming up in my parenting groups that are really starting to get on my tits & I've decided to address them. As I tell anyone before I offer advice, feel free to ignore me and scroll on, I won't get butthurt over it. This is just intended to hopefully hold a candle...(or flame thrower, pick your poison) to those first 100 days of darkness of the fourth trimester.

1. "My partner sleeps in the spare room cos they need to get some sleep for work" 

Are you frigging kidding me? Being a parent is a full time job and one which requires boatloads of energy. They need to help with the night tasks, end of. I know it can be hard. We breastsleep, so the husbeast can't really help with feeds, but if all the kid needs is a bum change I hand him over and go right back to sleep. Look at it this way. If you were putting your child in a daycare type place, would you be happy if the staff were running on sometimes less than an hour's sleep and no food or drink? I sure as hell wouldn't be, so why expect it of yourself? Work out a routine that makes sure they pull their weight. For us, the husbeast gets up 30 minutes earlier than he used to and takes the boy downstairs for a bum change and a play, while I starfish across the bed and snore my head off. After an hour he dumps the baby back in beside me and I give the lil dude another feed. The baby goes back to sleep and I can get up and start getting ready for the day in peace and quiet...except I can't shower. The kid totally has a radar for that thing and loses his shit the second my toe touches the water...which leads me onto my next point. 

2. "I know it's ungrateful/terrible but I just want to feel like me again/pee in peace/shower alone"

Why is that so bad? Does your partner get to do these things? Then why the hell shouldn't you? Look, being mum is hard. 9 times out of 10 the kid will want you, and while your partner is at work it'll be nigh on impossible to do anything alone, but when they get home all bets are off. You deserve the chance to wallow in a bath or shower once in a while.

And talking about wallowing, or feeling yourself again, will you cut yourself some slack? You just created life and that shit does not come easy. Not to mention the fact that that wee life's mission is to break you. You will have changed. In so many ways for the better, but I can understand that some people will struggle with their new body. You have to live with that body though, so try to find ways to love it, or change it. I chose to love mine. I try to have one nice long shower on a Sunday morning, where I leisurely wash my hair and shave my legs (ok, so I don't always manage those) and spend at least 30 minutes without being covered in pee, snot, poop or puke. It doesn't always happen, and these last few weeks have been hectic so it's been snatched chances to wash here and there and my poor legs haven't seen the light of day in forever. If it makes you feel better, before the shower I just had, I could measure my leg hair with a ruler and it took an entire tube of hair removal cream to defuzz them. Uh huh, that's right...A WHOLE TUBE OF VEET! I'm petty sure that new civilisations were forming in the rainforests on my legs 😳 

3. "You've got everything together, how do you do it all?" 

I don't. Basically, something has to slide. I pick my battles each day and decide what has to be done and what can get put off. I'm incredibly lucky. The husbeast has no expectations of a clean and tidy house, or food on the table when he gets home. He fully understands that some days it's all I can do to get the kid and I dressed, let alone tidy or even leave the house. God bless the man, he never, but never, leaves work without asking if I need him to pick up dinner and I won't tell you how often I say yes. We have a joint cleaning blitz at the weekend. I do the kitchen, he does the bathroom and we both hit the lounges/bedrooms/laundry. I've started laying out clothes for the baby and me the night before, so I'm not faffing about in the morning and I no longer waste a trip. If I'm heading upstairs to pee, I take up laundry, or bring it down to the machine.

But most of all, I try to keep my expectations of myself fairly low. Is the kid alive? Has he been fed? Is he clean and warm? If the answer is yes, then I give myself a pat on the back and a choccie biccie. Go team me! 

You have to stop thinking that what you see on social media is real cos it's really not. We only show our best to the world, so of course we look like we've got it all together. We are terrified that if we show our true selves, child services will show up at the door to take our kids away. 

It does get easier, I promise, but nothing will change until you make the changes. You have to be the driving force. Whether that is accepting your mumtum (or taking steps to get rid of it), or telling your partner to suit up and be a parent too, nothing will get better until you set it in motion. 

Good luck and Merry Christmas! Now excuse me while I continue to frantically pack for our first ever flight with a baby...or pray for me, that works too!