I don't know what happened to me this weekend. I usually adore listening to the sound of the rain on the roof, but for some unknown reason, the familiar drumbeat bossanova just made me feel melancholy.
I've been so much happier this last 2 months, getting my mojo back you could say. My smile has been getting wider and wider, though I haven't really found where I stashed my patience yet. Unfortunately, this weekend, my smile and happiness has been MIA. No matter how I've tried (and trust me I've tried all the usual methods as well as a fe unusual ones), I can't seem to perk myself up. Is it just the rain? or a natural slump after weeks on high?
I am a quite solitary person. I love coming home after a long day of full, busy classrooms, and locking the door behind me, just savouring the peace and quiet of my wee flat. I love knowing that if I want to get into my jammies at 5pm and just veg on the sofa, I can, but for some reason, lately, it's just made me feel more and more lonely.
I moved to my new flat, knowing only a few work colleagues in the area and I've tried very hard to make friends since getting here. But I have one big problem, and it's one which has haunted me all my life. People let me down. No one thinks twice about cancelling plans they have made with me. I throw a party? no one comes. 'Toots won't mind' is the perpetual cry. However, should it be the other way around, it's a totally different story. God forbid, I should decide that I can't go to someone's soiree. I'm the worst in the world...obviously.
Oh well, I guess I'll find my way back to happiness eventually.
*squish*
ReplyDeleteI solemnly swear that I will make every single attempt I can to never cancel on you unless someone is bleeding.
oh hon, i'm so sorry that you have led a life of people letting you down. i, too, tend to lead a solitary life but for other reasons (too much drama). here's to hoping that you find you way back to happiness soon. :)
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